Interoception

I am not an expert on the topic of interoception. I am not necessarily even very knowledgeable in this area by any means. I just like to share things that I have found helpful that might help other people to connect to… healthy awareness. Yeah. That feels right. 

I wrote a post last year around this time. It was called “Pain”. I think it is one of my favorite posts. Since then, I’ve been (pretty loosely) trying to focus on how I’m feeling in my body. I had stated in that post that I was going to stick to a yoga routine to gently exercise the pain. I’ll give you a hint of how that one went heading into the Summer with a two year old. The “two year old” was the hint. 

He’s not an excuse by any means. It is incredibly important to focus on your needs so that you can be a person acting and interacting with others from a balanced state. Especially with children. A regular yoga routine just wasn’t an achievable goal for me at the time with me being the primary source of childcare for Miles.

One thing I’m good at identifying is how I personally respond to variable schedules. Not well. With a husband who travels regularly for work, and the exhausting (both physically and mentally) task of ensuring you are a voice of calm for a two year old to the greatest extent possible…(boy do I fuck this up sometimes), popping a quick bit of yoga into a day that feels like a small circus from the moment your eyes open until they close feels bonkers. Unless I wake up solo and have a set period of time at the onset of the day to focus on a routine, it’s just not happening.   

So I don’t beat myself up for setting an unattainable goal. I laugh and love that part of myself that wants to… do everything RIGHT NOW. She’s cute. The other part of me that makes decisions from a more sober and realistic place, she realizes that there needs to be a softer approach. So she got me into a routine of…just…feeling. Being aware. No pushing. No doing. Just recognizing my body’s helpful and natural cues and not pretending they aren’t there or aren’t …what they are. This, tuning into my body before sleep, was doable at that time and incredibly beneficial. Each night, as I dozed off (as long as I didn’t just pass out from exhaustion), I’d focus on basic sensations throughout my body. For example, temperature, pressure, tensing, clenching, tingling, pain. I do a head to toe body scan and identify what the sensations might be indicating. This awareness allowed me to practice noticing, releasing, and centering.  

The intention was to slowly retrain my brain to be more in touch with …myself. I am not just my mind, I am also my body. Some cultures actually consider the mind to be lower in the body and not in your head…which is super interesting. At least, I think so. 

The shoulder pain I was feeling last year arose out of ignorance and ignoring. I was receiving cues but I wasn’t allowing them to take up time and space until it didn’t allow me not to ignore anymore. Our culture tells us constantly to push through it. Just keep going. You’ll be fine. 

No. 

Stop. 

Disrupt that nonsense. Listen. Feel.

As a result, I have been so in love with my life lately. Which is a statement that I’m actually scared to have written here. It feels like I’ve exposed my underbelly to a predator. What the hell is that? Like this is an invitation for someone to come up and tell me all the ways that I’m not meeting an arbitrary metric set by atrophying systems that produce …fucking…nonsense pain. 

And the truth is, there IS going to be pain. Physical and mental. I’m going to confront assholes or parasitic mindsets that are products of unhealthy disconnection and separation. That’s on them. I do not need to concern myself with that which doesn’t serve a greater compassionate purpose. When I practice being in touch with myself and am connected to who I am for longer periods of time, I remember that (being disconnected) is the worst possible way to live. We are not separate. 

Anway. Interoception. I’ve learned that there is a type of mindfulness practice that focuses on interoception, which is an understanding of the body’s internal senses. Like I stated out the gate, I don’t know enough about the defined practice to make broad claims, I just know that focusing on how I’m feeling and connecting with myself more fully has led me to this feeling of being in love with my life. 

One thing I noticed in this, is that, the VAST majority of the time, I am INCREDIBLY lucky to be comfortable and even cozy in my body. Now, granted, I have been doing this practice when I’m all warm in my bed at night, but still. This practice has fostered a greater sense of gratitude for all the ways I am free. I am so free. This life is…really incredible. 

There are many who are not free. Who are in agonizing pain for reasons imposed upon them and completely outside of their control. Children, especially. The thought alone makes me feel like I am trapped on a sinking ship. It makes me feel like there’s no hope for the future. This is not true, though. The ship has not sunk and now is the time to try to help in any way you can. I know that there is an incredible amount of power in trying my best to contribute in even the smallest ways. I cannot do it all, RIGHT NOW. But. I can explain ways I have been keeping myself afloat and, …in love with life, even.      

So! I share. I hope that maybe I inspire some in some way. Maybe to look up interoception and explore the ways you might be ignoring your body’s natural signals and living in your head. It’s all I have in me right now and it’s enough. 

Yeah. That feels right.  

I used to miss so much of all the pleasurable things in life and now I’m soaking it in. There’s a meme going around right now that resonates here. The “almost missed it” meme. I love it. It lands on my heart so perfectly now. I just notice so much more about how beautiful life can be. I used to notice with my mind, but now I really feel it. 

I almost missed it.